on new years
2012 is the cancer year.
2011 was partially a cancer year. 2013 will be too. If genetics is any indication there will be many more in my future. Still 2012 was the longest and roughest thus far. Both my parents getting such dire news and going through horrible ordeals one after the other gives life plans a gut check. They’re doing better now thanks to the strongest of spirits and incredible doctors. Family cancer reminds how grounding it is to have your people – how much you rely on them, take them for granted, need them. It also reminds how a single freak spark or mutation can raze everything.
Never declare things can’t get worse. The nature of things is wild. Things get worse and better and worse and better. Maybe in a fucked way I can be glad I’ve learned a lesson in chaos early on. A head start on the grand adventure! As for adventure- the resolution this year is to spend time building and growing productively. No treading water. Never grow complacent or settle for unhappiness. Time is flying and it ain’t worth it.
Which I guess is why I’m treading water, unemployed, applying for jobs that excite me. My favorite Teddy Roosevelt quote “When someone asks you if you can do the job, tell em’ ‘certainly I can’ and then get busy and find out how to do it.” I feel describes the approach well. So far I’ve told interviewers that I without a doubt could do the job. They’ve mostly turned me down for candidates twice my age or with four times the experience. Then there’s the jobs I WANT. I’m BORN to do these jobs. My mouth waters reading descriptions, imagining myself mitigating conflict, formulating budgets, traveling the world. Then I wait for the call. Wait and wait and it never happens. Of course I aim too high- I live in the most underemployed city in the US, maybe world? But that’s my resolution – go big or go home! Go home to live at my parents house…hahaha. I have another interview tomorrow morning- I probably won’t take the job. Eventually my applications to dream worlds like the ACLU will pull through. Also If anyone reading has a job in mind for me, I bet you I could do it better than the other person you’re considering.
In my afternoons spent applying for jobs, running, spraining my ankles, creating a profile on okcupid (gross right? but flirting on the internet gets more fun with less to do.) and not spending money I’m trying to decide life directions. Of course this is all in fun – as I previously stated the laws of chaos are, and always will be in effect. Nothing will turn out like I plan and that’s the beauty. I look to lives I admire and I think one man in particular captures my thoughts in a gorgeous manifesto. Merlin Olsen played football for money back in the 60′s for the Los Angeles Rams. He was from a small town in Utah and became a member of the Fearsome Foursome.
They also recorded some sweet beats.
All four of those men led incredible, influential lives that transcended football. (Example- Rosy Grier became influential in politics- was present at the Robert Kennedy assassination, etc). I strive to live my life like anyone of these men. Merlin Olsen wrote:
““The focus of my life begins at home with family, loved ones and friends. I want to use my resources to create a secure environment that fosters love, learning, laughter and mutual success. I will protect and value integrity. I will admit and quickly correct my mistakes. I will be a self starter. I will be a caring person. I will be a good listener with an open mind. I will continue to grow and learn. I will facilitate and celebrate the success of others.”
While I’m fully aware I am at the beginning of my life and am working on basic things, I can think of no better way to live than this one. I guess I’ll get working on it.
PS. If you, or anyone you know notices something wrong with your body, get it checked out. Right away. Don’t put it off.
If you don’t like the doctor, get another opinion. My mother wouldn’t be alive today had she listened to her first doctor who diagnosed her cancer as too advanced to even bother treating. She’s been cancer free for nearly 6 months.
PPS. Stop smoking.
“Go big or go home” is the only mantra worth having. Though “Go travel” is also good. Happy 2013!